Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
