he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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