the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
