Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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