i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
