then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
