god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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