shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
