I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
