so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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