Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
