That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
