she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
