watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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