i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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