the condom got lost in my hair
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
