Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
