OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
