My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
