remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
