Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
