I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
