i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
