so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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