I can text with my tongue
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize