Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
