he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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