my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
