Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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