That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
