well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
