Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
