I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
