just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
