i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Panties = found
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
