I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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