U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
