I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
