At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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