please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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