I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
