come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
