I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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