No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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