i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
