everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
