Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
