I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
