You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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