I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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