dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
