Having a random hookup so left but love u
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
