Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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