He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
