the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
