How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
