the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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