Duck Duck Cougar?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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