Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
zippers are such a cool invention
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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