Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
