I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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