So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
