According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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