I cannot find my penis.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
