u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
