Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
