Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
