I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
