I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
