Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize