I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
