so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
