1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
