You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize