I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
