Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
