too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
