There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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