So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
