it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
