Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
