Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize