Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
