I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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